“Like apples and oranges”. “Beyond compare”. “No comparison”. “Like sleeping with your girlfriend and then her mother”. In Persian we say “do not even want to compare”- with huge emphasis on the want.
So, we use this linguistic twitches falsely, when two things have already been compared, and one has come out the clear winner, and yet, we cannot, for political, artificial reasons, indeed for non-reasons, admit that one is the clear winner. And so we leap deep into this ocean of words, trying to deny that the comparison ever took place, ever can take place. There is no comparison, you insist, waving your hands wildly about. But of course there is. And the comparison has already been done, and your side lost.
Gentle reader, in the context of furious some decision-making going on here in this part of world, on whether it is worth shelling out upwards of $150 plus to see Slash and someone called Myles Kennedy perform together on 31st July, to promote their new album but also of course, one hopes, to sing old Guns n Roses songs, I give you a classic case of apples and oranges. Axl versus somebody who looks alarmingly like Steve Tyler’s younger brother.
There is no comparison! While Axl is busy falling down, off tables and down stages, gaining weight, losing weight, indulging in horrific fashion, and generally behaving dreadfully, the clean-cut Myles, dressed in cool grey and black well-cut suits, washes and straightens and glossifies his hair and struts (politely) on stage with the ever-amiable, ever-humble, media-friendly Slash. Plus, Myles remains thin. Indeed he is so good that some commenters are confused: Is he a Christian rocker, they wonder, damningly? Can there be any worse confusion?
But since when was good behaviour and nice hair the hallmark of a rock star? Since when was a good voice the mark of a frontman? Of course there is the comparison- how can there not be? The Good Myles has sung practically all of Axl’s hits which made him famous, and of course they are compared. And of course – Myles voice is harsh and high and screechy and all the things Axl’s is, but it doesn’t have the wail and anger, the misery and fury, the gunfire power and desolation, the sneering hysteria. The madness. It’s a nice voice, that of Myles, a cool, gravelly voice. And it’s nothing. Does not even bear comparison.
See? I did it again.